There’s a conversation I once put off for months. I told myself I was picking my moment. The truth is I was hoping the problem would pack up and leave on its own. It didn’t. It grew. And when we finally talked, the conversation I’d been dreading took 20 minutes and life changed for the better.
Most of us are carrying one of those right now. With a team member. With a business partner. With ourselves.
The two guests in this edition sit at opposite ends of that conversation. One gets called in when businesses have avoided theirs for too long. The other has learned to have the hardest ones with herself, on purpose.
The two episodes below will get you to book the conversation you’ve been putting off.
I sat across from Elisia. She has spent 26 years in HR and industrial relations and runs Strategic HR, the consultant small businesses, Aboriginal corporations and NDIS providers call when the policy isn’t actually the problem. She started the business after being made redundant with a newborn at home and no family in the country.
I asked her what actually causes most business problems.
She told me avoidance. Not a lack of knowledge. Not the wrong tools. We leave the conversation hoping the problem will go away by itself. It doesn’t. It tends to go worse.
Then I sat across from Sue. She founded Aussie OS 16 and a half years ago and has moved doctors, nurses, engineers and trades from a dozen countries to Australia. 40 Under 40 winner. WA Today Female Entrepreneur of the Year. Diagnosed with ADHD in 2017, almost 20 years into her career.
I asked her what 85 year old Sue would be furious at her for not doing.
She told me the list without blinking. Not enough time with the people she loves. Working too much. Not being present. She knew the list because she asks herself the hard questions on purpose. Then she booked Bali with her daughter.
Here’s what I’m sitting with.
The problem is never the problem. The unsaid version of it is.
The team member whose behaviour slipped months ago already knows something is off. So do you. And what you’re not saying is still being said, in the mood of the office, in the standard of the work, in what your team quietly learns about your leadership. A hard conversation held early is 20 minutes of uncomfortable. Held late, it’s a resignation, a claim, or a 20 year working relationship that ends with two people who can’t be on the same phone call. I used to leave those conversations, hoping they’d have themselves. They never did. Early is cheaper. Every time.
So the homework I’m giving myself, and you, is one conversation.
Pick it. You already know which one. Write three dot points about the facts, not the person. Then send a message today: I’d like to catch up tomorrow, here’s what I want to talk through. No ambush. And if your conversation is with yourself, use Sue’s version: score your life out of 10 on the things that matter, family, happiness, the ability to switch off, and sit with the number that stings.
Calm, early, and about the facts. That’s the whole trick.
One will change how you lead your people. The other will change how honest you are with yourself. Elisia first.
EPISODE 147: Elisia Coetzee
With Elisia Coetzee, founder of Strategic HR, 26 years in HR and industrial relations, qualified mediator and workplace investigator
Elisia was made redundant with a newborn at home and no family in the country, so she started her own business anyway, delivering flyers with the pram while the baby slept. Today she’s the consultant businesses call when the people problems get real. She’ll tell you what you need to hear, and she has walked away from a client rather than twist her advice.
What you’ll take away:
- The prep that makes any hard conversation easier: get yourself out of the amygdala state, write dot points about the facts, not the person, and give them a light agenda so nobody feels ambushed
- Why “inaction is also an action”, your team is watching what you do about the problem you think you’re quietly ignoring, and marking your leadership on it
- The 20 year business relationship she watched end over one avoided conversation, and the moment she knew no mediation could bring it back
Two different conversations. The same courage.
EPISODE 148: Sue Pember
With Sue Pember, founder and managing director of Aussie OS, 40 Under 40 winner and WA Today Female Entrepreneur of the Year
Sue was the school play kid who could never remember her lines, and built a career on what she could do instead, think on her feet. Aussie OS has spent 16 and a half years relocating doctors, nurses, engineers and trades to Australia. Her ADHD diagnosis came in 2017, nearly 20 years in, and it reframed everything: the weakness she’d carried since school turned out to be the engine.
What you’ll take away:
- The two job descriptions she says every owner needs, one as the business owner and one as the employee inside it, so you can’t hide in the work that feels comfortable
- The life wheel you can score yourself on tonight, out of 10 on family, happiness and the ability to switch off, and how it told her which business to sell
- The $27,000 she watched a company spend moving three or four suitcases across the world, and why telling that truth means occasionally pulling daggers out of her back
P.S.
If the conversation you’ve been putting off is about your brand, whether it still shows the real you, talk to me.
I keep a handful of free Brand Discovery sessions aside each month, just for TRBLC listeners. One hour, with me. We look at where your brand is actually landing and what’s holding it back.
